CITOYENNE CINDERS

CITOYENNE CINDERS

[A Pantomime]

by

Vithal Rajan©

PLEASE NOTE THAT THE LYRICS ARE ONLY INDICATIVE    AND CAN BE CHANGED ACCORDING TO THE MUSIC SELECTED.

SINCE CHRISTMAS IS AROUND THE CORNER, I PRESENT A POLITICAL PANTOMIME FOR ANYONE WHO IS INTERESTED

Preface

The story of Cinderella presents us with a timeless theme, an eternal hope, and an undying expectation of seeing the poor and neglected triumph in the end. After all, all religions seem to have the same core idea; only in the fairy story it is the fairy god-mother that makes everything come right in the end, and not the great god above. Pantomimes have reveled in the story, presenting new ways by which the wicked step-mother gets her comeuppance, how the Prince – who else but a wonderfully handsome, rich and powerful person – falls in love with poor, good, beautiful Cinderella, and sweeps her off to live happily forever afterwards in a great castle. And Buttons, and the mice, and even the pumpkins, representing all the poor and the forgotten, help and cheer, and are comforted in the end by their gracious princess. Hollywood and Bollywood continue to make hits on this theme, and no Christmas time goes by without television channels bringing the age-old story to the cozy comfort of one’s sofa.

Surely, nothing much can be done to add to this story, and nothing should be done to alter it, either. Then, can it be right to locate the action of the pantomime in the middle of the French Revolution? Surely real people lost real heads during that tumultuous time? And there is nothing funny or Christmasy about that. Never mind that pantos present children with an enjoyable mix of terror and laughter, of sunken pirates, worsted witches, and the rest of it, but it is all in jest, and who cares if the crocodile threatens to eat Captain Hook? But nothing bad should happen to good people – that after all is the underlying principle of any romance. And if things don’t end well in romantic fulfillment, can it make for a good panto? In fact, it can’t please anyone, can it?

The inspiration for this pantomime was the recent announcement that some pages had been recovered of Napoleon’s only novel, Clisson et Eugenié. It is supposed to refer to his brief romance with Desirée. But could it have been about a secret romance with a Eugenié, not yet discovered? This pantomime places Cinderella in the middle of the French Revolution, with real historical characters all round her – except, of course, for herself, Buttons, and the wicked step-mother – and it doesn’t make her live happily ever afterwards. But still, one hopes, children will like it.  

CAST OF CHARACTERS

BUTTONS:  A faithful friend of Cinderella

MAM’ZELLE EUGENIÉ PAULZE: Cinderella

ELISABETH-LOUISE VIGÉE LEBRUN: A famous Painter

SULTAN DERVISH KHAN: An ambassador of Tippoo Sultan

ANTOINE-LAURENT DE LAVOISIER: A famous scientist

JOSEPH LOUIS LAGRANGE:  A famous mathematician

PIERRE-SIMON LAPLACE: A famous scientist

JACQUES PAULZE: A rich financier

BARONESS PAULZE: [could be played by a man]Cinderella’s wicked step-mother

MAXIMILIEN DE ROBESPIERRE: Leader of the French Revolution

LOUIS ST-JUST: A member of the Committee of Public Safety

NAPOLEON: [could be played by a young woman]As a young Lieutenant, an artillery Citizen General, and Emperor

MARSHALL NEY: A Marshall of France

ANTOINE QUENTIN FOUQUIER DE TINVILLE: The Public Prosecutor

A GUARDSMAN: Of the Revolutionary Guard

THREE FEMALE CLOWNS

The Boy CLISSON PAULZE, the Ugly Sisters, the Indian page,  young scientists, sans-culotte revolutionaries, soldiers, palace servants, women dancers

All the cast are dressed in appropriate 18^th century clothes, except the clowns, and the women dancers who wear saris.

Time

Spring 1788, Summer 1794, Christmas Eve 1804,

 and the present

Place

The Paulze estate in Faubourg St. Honoré; the Salle de Spectacles, Tuileries; a cottage in Clichy, the Grand Trianon, all in and around Paris; Pondicherry;

and wherever we are

Act 1 Scene 1

[A curtain is drawn across the stage. Female clowns come tumbling out, juggle, make faces. So does BUTTONS wearing a large-size clown’s costume with outsize buttons]

BUTTONS:[loudly out of tune]

East is east and west is west
And the wrong one I have chose
Let's go where they keep on wearin'
Those frills and flowers and buttons and bows
Rings and things and buttons and bows.

FEMALE CLOWN 1: Na! Na! Na! You can’t sing that!

BUTTONS: Why not? It’s my theme song, see? I’m Buttons! I’m introducing myself!

FEMALE CLOWN 2: It’s a girl’s song, idiot! Dinah Shore used to sing it!

BUTTONS: No, it isn’t!

FEMALE CLOWN 3: Yes, it is![to the audience] You tell him! Go on, tell him!

SOME in THE AUDIENCE: Booo! It’s a girl’s song!

BUTTONS: No – listen, it’s uni-sex.

FEMALE CLOWN 1: You got sex on your brain!

BUTTONS: No, I haven’t! I’ve got sex down here like everybody else!

FEMALE CLOWN 2: Don’t be vulgar – we don’t want the Lord Chancellor throwing us out of this playhouse.

FEMALE CLOWN 1: Theatre censorship was abolished in 1968 – you ignoramus.

BUTTONS: Censorship or not, he’s got it down here as well, he has.

FEMALE CLOWN 3: Buttons! Shut up about sex!

BARONESS PAULZE: [entering] Yes! Most people think I am the sexiest woman on earth!

FEMALE CLOWNS: Boooo!

BARONESS PAULZE: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for your admiration. I am quite accustomed to it, being quite, quite unique. Though my poor step-daughter, Eugenié, with her insipid look does try to imitate me. How can she? She has no class at all, mixing all the time with low life. That reminds me. Tell me, Buttons, where is she? You should know, she is seen all the time in your company.

BUTTONS: Why do you want to know?

BARONESS PAULZE: Why? Why? Only to tell her to stay away from the likes of you! She is my step-daughter – worse luck – and unless she mends her ways, I shall banish her to the kitchens, where she rightfully belongs. Her mother’s blood, you know.

BUTTONS: The late Lady Paulze was the gentlest woman in Paris, but you would know nothing about that, Baroness!

BARONESS PAULZE: Mind your tongue, Buttons! Clowns should be seen not heard! Now, where is Eugenié – I am not to be trifled with!

BUTTONS: She is having her portrait painted.

BARONESS PAULZE: Her portrait painted! Eugenié’s portrait? [Laughs like a horse] What a waste of paint! And who is the unfortunate artist?

BUTTONS: The Lady Vigée Lebrun, the personal friend of the Queen’s and at the Queen’s command, so there!

BARONESS PAULZE: They have no taste whatsoever in Court.[Going] And if old Paulze, my father-in-law, is paying for this extravagance, I shall put a stop to it!  

FEMALE CLOWNS: What a very unpleasant woman! Isn’t she? Isn’t she?

AUDIENCE: Yees!

BUTTONS: Poor Baron Paulze couldn’t stand her either. Her nagging sent him to an early grave. Anyway, now she is gone, let’s do something pleasant. Yes! I know! Let’s all compose a song about me! How should it go? Yes! [sings]

SONG 1 –Buttons Song[MUSIC TO BE ROUSING LIKE RUGBY SONGS]

Buttons! Glorious Buttons!

There is no one quite like me.

I am the Star of the Panto,

Sing along and you will see.

BUTTONS:[to the audience] Come on, then! Sing! Sing along with me![sings]

I have buttons in the front

I have buttons at the back

And buttons down the leg of my pants.

Buttons! Glorious Buttons!

There is no one quite like me.

I am the Star of the Panto,

Sing along and you will see.

Can you have a panto

Without a Clown?

No way you can do.

And the best of the clowns,

And chief of them all,

Buttons! Glorious Buttons!

There is no one quite like me.

I am the Star of the Panto,

Sing along and you will see.

I am a humble buttons,

Do you ever hear me bellow?

I don’t hog the stage,

I’m never a page three fellow.

But when you go to see a panto

What fun to see me there!

Buttons! Glorious Buttons!

There is no one quite like me.

I am the Star of the Panto,

Sing along and you will see.

Buttons! Glorious Buttons!

There is no one quite like me.

I am the Star of the Panto,

Sing along and you will see.

FEMALE CLOWN 1: Buttons, I’m fed up with all this! We are not here to sing songs about you. Where’s the new story you promised to tell us?

BUTTONS: Oh, that?

FEMALE CLOWN 2: Yes, that.

BUTTONS: All right, then. [turning towards the audience] I’m going to tell you a new story – one you’ve never heard. It’s about Cinderella!

FEMALE CLOWNS: Booo! That’s an old, old, hackneyed story! No one wants to hear it! [to the audience] We all know the story, don’t we? We don’t want to hear it, again, do we?

SOME IN THE AUDIENCE: No, we don’t!

FEMALE CLOWNS: Louder! He is deaf and thick as two planks!

AUDIENCE: [loudly]No, we don’t!

FEMALE CLOWN 1: There! You heard that, Buttons?

BUTTONS: But this is a new story! About a real Cinderella, you never, ever heard it before. It all happened a long time ago in France during the days of my great-great-great-great grandfather – did I say five greats? There should be five greats between me and him.

FEMALE CLOWN 1: There were more than five greats – let’s count – Plato, Aristotle, Zeno, Seneca…

BUTTONS: No, no, no! Not that lot. My ancestor – the greatest boutonnier of Paris! Bespoke to Queen Marie Antoinette herself!

FEMALE CLOWN 1: Be-spoke to the Queen? Oh, ho, ho! She was a right one, wasn’t she?

BUTTONS: Now who’s being vulgar?

OTHER CLOWNS: You two stop fighting. Buttons, if you are going to tell us a story – and it better be good – get on with it!

SOME IN THE AUDIENCE: Yes, get on with it!

[The FEMALE CLOWNS go and sit with the audience]

BUTTONS: All right then. I shall become my own great-great- great – oh, never mind – I shall become him!

[Lights dim as BUTTONS zips out of the clown costume and stands revealed in 18^th century clothes, stockings, frilled shirt, flowered jacket.]

End of Act 1 Scene 1

Act 1 Scene 2

 [BUTTONS draws back the curtains, and we see a charming garden in part of the Paulze estate in Faubourg St. Honoré, Paris. EUGENIÉ PAULZE is seated on a bench while ELISABETH VIGÉE LEBRUN is painting her]

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: Oh, there you are, my little boutonnier! And just in time. Madame is painting me for the Queen, and my dress should be just right. I am not happy with these sleeves at all.

ELISABETH VIGÉE LEBRUN: Don’t fret, my dear. Today, I want to get the glints in your golden hair, and that blue of your eyes. We have the perfect light for that. Your dress can wait.

BUTTONS: [peering at the canvas]Oh, Madame! It’s so enchanting – as if Mam’zelle’s twin is coming to life!

ELISABETH VIGÉE LEBRUN: Hmm – yes, your little mistress is the most beautiful woman in France. The Queen wants her painted in the same pose as my self-portrait – the same way M’sieu Rubens did his famous ‘Le Chapeau de Poil.’ There will be a party at Court to decide which is the most beautiful.

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: Madame! No one can rival your beauty.

ELISABETH VIGÉE LEBRUN: Don’t underrate your beauty, my child, the world does not. I admit I have passable dark looks, but I would have given the world for your blue eyes, or that golden crown! Ah! Here comes His Excellency Dervish Khan, the ambassador of Tippoo Sultan to the court of His Most Christian Majesty. You are most welcome, Sir!

DERVISH KHAN: [entering, accompanied by a Indian page, and bowing]: Ah! Enchanting lady! At your service, I, Dervish Khan!

BUTTONS:[to the audience] Devilish Khan! Cor! At least he’s an honest infidel!

ELISABETH VIGÉE LEBRUN: Dervish! Dervish, my little boutonnier.

DERVISH KHAN: This fool is a - boutonniere? He’s more a flower-pot!

BUTTONS: Here! If I am a flower-pot, you are more like a top! Why don’t you go whirling back to where you came from!

ELISABETH VIGÉE LEBRUN: Mind your manners! His Excellency is an ambassador at our court.

BUTTONS: [grumbling]: Well, if he is a dervish, he should like whirling is all I said.

ELISABETH VIGÉE LEBRUN: Your Excellency wished to view my style of painting before ordering your own portrait. Here, Sir, is my self-portrait, done in the style of M’sieu Rubens – and here is a copy of his painting? Which one do you like better, Sir? Let me put them so – in the light. The Queen wishes to have one done of Mam’zelle the same way.

BUTTONS:[to the audience] Can you see them? No, you can’t! Here! Flash them both up on the screen at the back!

FEMALE CLOWN 1: You can’t use modern technology in an eighteenth century story!

BUTTONS: Yes, you can in a pantomime. Anyway, you can see those two paintings any day at the National Gallery.

FEMALE CLOWN 2: No, you can’t!

BUTTONS: Yes, you can!

FEMALE CLOWN 3: She means, you couldn’t, not in those days!

BUTTONS: So? Now, you take the Northern Line or the Piccadilly Line to Leicester Square, and walk down to…

FEMALE CLOWN 1: You are getting everybody mixed up. The tube didn’t open till 1863. It was the Metropolitan line connecting Paddington with King’s Cross and…

ELISABETH VIGÉE LEBRUN: Will you all shut up, please?[to the audience] Please tell them to shut up.[turns back to DERVISH KHAN] This painting by the great master inspired me to the point where I made my own portrait in search of the same effect, but there is a difference, Sir, do you notice?

EUGENIÉ PAULZE:[ardently] Madame! Yours is the superior, by far! The light effects are similar – but – but – you hold the painter’s palette, you command us from the picture, you are no mere object like the Rubens’ model! With this painting in the rustic style, you introduce the world to the Court! Your direct look, Madame, such confidence!

DERVISH KHAN:[doubtfully] Yes, yes, very true, but the Rubens has such – how shall I say? – such embonpoint – such …

BUTTONS: I know what he is looking at! Cor! Look at ’em balloons…

ELISABETH VIGÉE LEBRUN: Are women in your country similarly endowed, Sir?

DERVISH KHAN: Oh, yes, Madame! Several have I married!

FEMALE CLOWNS: Several!

DERVISH KHAN: Well, a few, a modest few.

ELISABETH VIGÉE LEBRUN: And what do they do, Sir?

DERVISH KHAN: They – they do womanly things, Madame. They take care of my humble home. They cook me dinners!

BUTTONS: I can believe they cooked you many dinners by the look of you.

ELISABETH VIGÉE LEBRUN: How often do you marry a lady, Sir?

DERVISH KHAN:[gallantly] As often as my heart dictates, Madame!

ELISABETH VIGÉE LEBRUN: And where do you take your bride for a honeymoon?

DERVISH KHAN: For a honeymoon? Where can I take them in Mysore State?

BUTTONS: You wouldn’t be so sore if you married less often.

DERVISH KHAN:[taking ELISABETH VIGÉE LEBRUN into his arms and dancing with her while singing recitative style. His Indian page makes a face at Buttons, who chases him round while DERVISH KHAN sings]

SONG 2[RECITATIVE WITH SOME NOTES]

I’m tired of all these marriages

In Mysore State!

Why can’t love be free

as this soft French air?

No bindings, no breakfasts,

No mothers-in-law, no cousins in debt!

No weeping babies, no scolding women!

I’m tired of all these marriages

In Mysore State!

Why can’t love be free

As this soft French air?

I’m tired of marrying

I want to be free

I would love to be here

And watch you paint me!

I’m tired of all these marriages

In Mysore State!

Why can’t love be free

As this soft French air?

Can we not, Madame, forget the world?

Can we not, Madame, live for love?

Can I not, Madame, live for you?

I’m tired of all these marriages

In Mysore State!

Ooooh! Why can’t love be free

As this soft French air?

ELISABETH VIGÉE LEBRUN: You are very gallant, Sir, but I have no wish to be your hundredth wife.

DERVISH KHAN: No, no, Madame! Of course not! I shall – I shall send them all away to their mothers. After seeing you, I have eyes for none other. You are the only other passion in my life.

ELISABETH VIGÉE LEBRUN: Ah, ha! I knew I would have a rival! Who is she?

DERVISH KHAN: Not a she, Madame, they – the English devils! Perfidious Albion, Madame! I have the passion of hate for them! My master, the world conquering Tippoo Sultan, wants to drive them out of our country.

ELISABETH VIGÉE LEBRUN: Well, if Tippoo Sultan is world conquering, as you say, he should have little problem in driving the English out.

DERVISH KHAN: True, Madame, true, but he also needs French guns, and French soldiers. That is why I am here, to plead with your King Louis, the sixteenth of his name, to make common cause with my master.

ELISABETH VIGÉE LEBRUN: Then, that is what you should be doing, Sir, not dangling around in my atelier.

EUGENIÉ PAULZE:[suddenly] Look, Madame, look! My uncle, M’sieu Lavoisier is here with his friends, M’sieu Lagrange, and M’sieu Laplace!

[M’sieu Lavoisier, M’sieu Lagrange, and M’sieu Laplace enter]

LAVOISIER:[kissing EUGENIÉ PAULZE lightly on the cheek] You grow more beautiful by the day! My scientific friends here are anxious to see how Madame Lebrun puts such beauty onto canvas.

ELISABETH VIGÉE LEBRUN:[curtseying as the men makes their bows] Sir, her beauty paints itself!

LAVOISIER: Ah, Madame! Your modesty is equaled only by your genius! What art! What skill!

LAPLACE: Indeed, Madame, it is perfection itself! Surely, there is a formula for art known only to yourself!

DERVISH KHAN: Formula for Art! Next you will say there is a formula for the vast universe!

LAPLACE:[calmly] And why not, Sir? We may regard the present state of the universe as an effect of its past and a cause for its future. If at this moment we can know all the forces that set nature in motion, and the positions of all the items composing nature, we can by analysis embrace the universe in a single formula.

[Stunned silence]

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: Sir, perhaps, you are talking about God!

LAPLACE: I have no need of such an hypothesis!

LAGRANGE: Ah, but what a beautiful hypothesis! It explains everything so simply – even better than you can, my friend.

LAPLACE: There was a time when it was needed – before the Enlightenment. Now all is known to men of science. Are you not one of us, Lagrange? A man of science?

LAGRANGE:[doubtfully] Well, more a mathematician, actually…

LAPLACE:[grandly] And mathematics as we all know is the language of nature, and we men of science speak it. Come, let us show the world - and these beautiful creatures - that we will lead them to a world even more beautiful, even more free, where all is known in the freedom of science, where man will be truly free! Come!

[LAPLACE throws his arms over the shoulders of LAVOISIER and LAGRANGE and they do the same. They sing recitative style and dance]

SONG 3 We are the men of Science![ANY WELLKNOWN TUNE??]

LAPLACE: We are the men of Science!

There is nothing we do not know!

We gather the date, we analyze the facts,

We question Nature

We tear out the truth,

We then make our hypothesis!

Let us Praise

The wonders of Science!

The Wonder of Astronomie!

LAVOISIER: Chemistrie!

LAGRANGE: Mathematique!

ALL THREE: We are the men of Science!

It is a world of Reason!

It is a world of Freedom!

Freedom!

Liberté!

Egalité!

Fraternité!

A world of Beauty!

Where there is Plenty!

Where Nature is our Servant!

And the earth is our Garden,

Tended, Controlled, Remade!

By us.

We are the men of Science!

It is a world of Reason!

It is a world of Freedom!

Freedom!

Liberté!

Egalité!

Fraternité!

No one will fear! No one will starve!

There will be no Bastille!

No bowing or scrapping to King or Church!

No armies, no police!

Freedom!

Liberté!

Egalité!

Fraternité!

We are the men of Science!

It is a world of Reason!

It is a world of Freedom!

Freedom!

Liberté!

Egalité!

Fraternité!

We are the men of Science!

There is nothing we do not know!

We gather the data, we analyze the facts,

We question Nature

We tear out the truth,

We then make our hypothesis!

It is the world of Reason!

It is a world of Freedom!

Freedom!

Liberté!

Egalité!

Fraternité!

A world of Beauty!

Where there is Plenty!

Where Nature is our Servant!

And the earth is our Garden,

Tended, Controlled, Remade

By us.

ELISABETH VIGÉE LEBRUN: Gentlemen, all this sounds dangerously close to treason!

BUTTONS:[to the audience]If they were in Spain, it would be the auto-da-fé for the lot of them, but first the thumb screws and the rack, you can take it from me. I’m glad we are in Paris where we are all civilized.

LAPLACE: There was a time before the Enlightenment when men of science were regretfully misunderstood. Poor Bruno! The memory of those dark days gone by haunts me. But now in the Age of Reason, of Voltaire, it can never happen again. Never in Paris!

LAVOISIER: My dear niece, don’t look so alarmed, so distressed. As my dear friend, Laplace says, we are a civilized people, a people who respect reason. Everyone now agrees to disagree for the general good.

BUTTONS: Which is?

LAVOISIER: The greatest good of the greatest number, my good man. We will solve all our problems in a gentlemanly way, you will see – of course with the help of science.

BUTTONS: Does science help us put food on the table, Sir?

LAVOISIER: Yes, yes, yes, of course, what a question. For example – for example, we do away with stupid ideas, so we know exactly how everything works. For example, people believed that when we burnt something – as we burn coal when we cook – a mysterious substance called phlogiston was released into the air – otherwise how to account for the lessened weight of the ash? I proved it doesn’t exist!

BUTTONS: So he’s proved what doesn’t exist doesn’t exist. That’s science for you.

ELISABETH VIGÉE LEBRUN: Oh, M’sieu Lavoisier! Don’t say phlogiston does not exist! There must be something that accounts for the changes in matter when it burns, surely?

DERVISH KHAN: How wonderful! Only in France can you find such beautiful savants! But, Sir Scientist, everyone knows that in God’s universe everything is made of only earth, water, air, fire, and ether, so there is no need to disprove the existence of anything else!

LAVOISIER: Ah, my friend, but the universe is indeed far more complex! I have discovered, as my scientific friends will vouch, that everything is made up of many substances – the earth is a compound of chemicals, even the air is a mixture of gases!

BUTTONS: I agree, our sewers are something awful.

LAVOISIER: Oxygen enables things to burn, and oxygen is in water! We breathe in oxygen to sustain life, and that is similar to combustion!

BUTTONS: I don’t know if all this is a metaphor or an oxymoron?

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: Shut up, Buttons, you are the moron. My uncle is quite the most brilliant man in France. He’s proved it all by encasing my guinea pig in ice – pauvre petit cochon d’Inde, he was so frightened by the experiment.

DERVISH KHAN:[joking] Perhaps, M’sieu, I should tell Tippoo Sultan that instead of firing our cannon, we had better huff away and puff away at the English, since our breath is like fire?

LAPLACE:[to ELISABETH VIGÉE LEBRUN] Ah, you see, Madame, a person untrained in science, even one of so excellent a disposition as the ambassador, cannot quite grasp the essential truths of nature. Sir, what would you say of the Earth and the Sun?

DERVISH KHAN: Why what else but that the Sun is fire and the Earth is earth.

LAPLACE: Ah, but I have proved that they both arose out of stellar gas, only we cooled faster than the sun. And what do you say of time?

DERVISH KHAN: Only that I see it is time for me to remove myself from such learned company. Madame, may I have the inestimable honour of waiting upon you again at a seasonable hour tomorrow, when we are not assailed by so much science?[She curtseys]

LAPLACE: Sir, I beg you, stay for Lagrange’s lecture!

DERVISH KHAN: Sir, with respect, if I stay any longer, I shall become quite as mad as all of you![kisses his hands to the ladies, and runs off]

LAPLACE: What a pity, Lagrange my mathematical friend, that he would not hear your most fascinating theory about the nature of time.

LAGRANGE:[hesitantly] It – it is more a conjecture, Sir, than a hypothesis, let alone a theory. Since the time of the great Newton, we have imagined time flowing past us like a river, never stopping, never changing pace, while space which we occupy, which the universe occupies, is unconnected with it. Now the truth is – that is, my conjecture is - that space and time form an inseparable continuum, one cannot exist without the other…

LAPLACE: It’s a brilliant discovery, Lagrange, absolutely brilliant, don’t be modest about it! I saw immediately that in such a system, we could possibly have such a massive star that even light wouldn’t escape its gravity and we would have a black hole!

BUTTONS:[loudly to the audience] I am not having any of this! Space-time continuum was discovered by Einstein, and even he didn’t know about black holes!

FEMALE CLOWN 1: How do you know they didn’t think about it two hundred years ago, eh! How do you know?[to the audience] You ask him – how do you know?

THE AUDIENCE: Yes, how do you know?

BUTTONS: Because I’ve read Hawking – his theory of everything – not that I understood it, of course, but he writes about black holes, and their boundary events, and energy can escape – and it is not as if – well, Hawking –

LAPLACE: Hawking who?

BUTTONS: Oh, this is good. Hawking to spit it out of the black hole!

LAGRANGE: Sir, I am on the side of the angels! There was a mad man who even suggested we should call Christmas Newton’s day, forgetting that the great scientist believed in God and spent years researching the Scriptures!

BUTTONS: Dawkins wouldn’t agree with you.

LAGRANGE: Dawkins who?

BUTTONS: Docking the tales of God, of course!

LAVOISIER:[coming to the edge of the stage] My dear friend, we did speculate on all these matters, it is true, but few understood us unfortunately. I am glad that at last even you Buttons can challenge us. Things have become better for science, but it’s taking a long, long, time…

JACQUES PAULZE:[entering] Indeed, I have taken too long a time, my dear Lavoisier, but what could I do? We financiers do not have the freedom of scientists, and the Ferme Générale is a hard mistress. Foolish decisions can lead to a financial meltdown – oh, you may not believe it, but there are more rogues than saints in my profession. But more to the point, I have gathered all the young people – they are assembled in the great hall and eager to listen to your discourse, and that of Messieurs Lagrange and Laplace.

EUGENIÉ PAULZE:[running up to kiss him on the cheek] Oh, Grandpapa, you should have been here a few minutes ago. There was an astonishing gentleman from the East, M’sieu Dervish Khan, a dandy of dandies, paying court to Madame here!

JACQUES PAULZE: Eh, what? Oh, Madame, your eternal servant. You must pardon me, Madame, but I was flustered for being so late.

ELISABETH VIGÉE LEBRUN: People come to see your granddaughter, Sir. I am quite hidden behind the canvas. Tell me, have I captured her colouring? Not yet, I think?

JACQUES PAULZE:[effusively] It is perfection itself, Madame. I beg you, Madame, to paint her in full court dress. I want it for my house – which she will inherit one day and all my wealth.

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: Grandpapa! Don’t talk about such things!

JACQUES PAULZE: Come, come, puss, no one can stop time, y’know. We must be reconciled to God’s will, as I was to your father’s passing, but it took time, took time to ease the pain a little. You will come into a great inheritance, the greatest in France, next to the King’s of course, and I want you to learn the business before I am gone. Tempus fugit – tempus fugit.

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: M’sieu Lagrange says that is not true. Time is wound up with space – perhaps we can go back in time, can we, Sir? Oh, Grandpapa, I would love to see you as a young man! You must have been quite dashing!

JACQUES PAULZE:[with an arm round her waist] Don’t fill your head with things you cannot understand. These are great men of science, with a rarified philosophy of such a perfection that – that – ordinary mortals may not understand. But come, come, come. The students await our great men with eagerness. Let us all go, and even if we understand nothing, it is an occasion we will remember all our lives. Come!

BARONESS PAULZE: [entering] Ah! There you all are! And father-in-law Paulze, as well! How you remind me of my poor husband in Heaven! [wipes her eyes with her handkerchief] Eugenié, my dear! Come and give your step-mother a kiss!

[Eugenié kisses her lightly on the cheek with great reluctance.]

BARONESS PAULZE: And you are having your portrait painted? At the Court’s expense, I hope? We are so poor these days, such fancies can beggar your poor fond grandfather, [in a loud whisper] who does not have anymore the strength of body or of – or of….

JACQUES PAULZE: [stiffly] Thank you for your concern, daughter-in-law, but I can still manage my own affairs without any assistance from anyone!

BARONESS PAULZE: Oh, Sir! We all know your phenomenal powers! You will see me into my grave, I am sure, like my poor husband,[wipes her eyes again] with all the pinching of pennies I do, so that you and your loved grand-daughter may live in a style not matched by the King himself! I don’t want you to think of me at all, or my simple needs, or what is owed to the wife of your late son …

JACQUES PAULZE: There! There, Madam! Compose yourself, I beg you.

BARONESS PAULZE: I only live to look after your comfort and that of our beloved Eugenié. Yes – let me see the painting. Quite a good likeness, Madame Lebrun. You have caught her squint.

ELISABETH VIGÉE LEBRUN:[with a laugh] She has the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen!

BARONESS PAULZE:[deliberately knocking against the paint-box] Oh, dear! Oh, dear! I am so sorry, Madame, some black paint has spotted poor Eugenié face. I am afraid her picture is ruined.

ELISABETH VIGÉE LEBRUN:[Laughing] Not at all, Baroness! It is easily removed. But look, Sirs, your students in their impatience are coming to us!

[Singing off growing stronger as a body of young men come dancing in]

SONG 4 - YOUNG MEN [ ANY WELLKNOWN TUNE]

YOUNG MEN:

Laplace! Lagrange!

Lavoisier!

The greatest men living today!

Nature has no secrets to hide from them,

From atom to cosmos

From an acorn to the crown of an old oak tree!

Laplace! Lagrange!

Lavoisier!

Lavoisier names all the elements,

Oxygen, hydrogen, chemicals galore

To him they are servants who give up their lore.

All called to order, named, and ticked

Docked in the Mèthode de nomenclature chimique.

Laplace has shown us the birth of the sun

For France the Newton great fame has won.

His Méchanique Céleste, his Coeffients,

His Théorie du Mouvement

Et de la figure elliptique des planets –

Who can match them?

Lagrange, Lagrange, so modest in life,

You can hardly hear him so low is his pipe

But his Méchanique Analytique

His binary quadratic forms

Thunder louder than the King’s cannons.

Laplace! Lagrange!

Lavoisier!

The Age of Reason is here.

The Light of Science

Shines from their eyes

The Voice of Nature

Is heard from their lips.

Laplace! Lagrange!

Lavoisier!

Laplace! Lagrange!

Lavoisier!

[They all dance round the three great men]

JACQUES PAULZE: Gentlemen, you see how devoted they are? Let us not keep the future scientists of France waiting any longer. Let us all go to my house where all is in readiness. Oh, I forgot, here, M’sieu Laplace, is a young lieutenant from the Ecole Militaire whom I believe you examined as a cadet. He wishes to present his devoirs to you.

LAPLACE:[vaguely] Yes? Your face is familiar – I think – you are?

LIEUTENANT:[coming forward hastily and in some confusion]

Sir, you do me great honour – Sir, you may not remember me – we discussed how mathematics may better order artillery fire. Sir, it was a trifling idea of mine – I – Sir – I am honoured – that is to say, at your service…

JACQUES PAULZE: Yes, yes, yes, let us go in. We have wasted enough time already, and time is money, as a financier I know that only too well. Madame![to ELISABETH VIGÉE LEBRUN] I pray you, join us. If any one of us can ask an intelligent enough question to puzzle our savants, it can only be you!

ELISABETH VIGÉE LEBRUN: Sir, I am as curious to listen to our wise men as any of these students.

JACQUES PAULZE: And, Oh! Daughter-in-law, come, come with us, the lecture will cheer you up.[She follows him reluctantly, after making a horrible face at Eugenié]

[They all exit, except for BUTTONS, EUGENIÉ PAULZE, and the LIEUTENANT, who is staring at her bewitched]

EUGENIÉ PAULZE:[smiling sweetly at the LIEUTENANT]An artillery officer, and interested in mathematics? How wonderful! Sir, how do you reconcile your interest with your profession?

LIEUTENANT: [eagerly] Indeed, Mam’zelle, it sounds strange in this peaceful garden, and must sound absurd to one so – so beautiful – beauty without a parallel, if I may make so bold – but it is easily explained, Mam’zelle, if – if I may wait upon you at another hour in – in this enchanting garden – to explain, to lay before – Heavens! Words forsake me – I don’t know what I am saying – Mam’zelle, if I may have the honour – if at some other time…

JACQUES PAULZE:[off] Lieutenant! Lieutenant, hurry up!

EUGENIÉ PAULZE:[laughing sweetly] Do come again, Sir, you will always be welcome! Now go, my grandfather doesn’t like to be kept waiting.

LIEUTENANT: Heavens! Your grandfather! No, it will never do to annoy him, never! I shall come again, Mam’zelle! I thank Heaven for the honour of this meeting.[runs off]

EUGENIÉ PAULZE:[laughing] What a sweet boy! He didn’t even tell me his name! I hope he comes back soon.

BUTTONS:[grudgingly] Oh, he will be back all right – you can’t drive him from here anymore than the bees from this garden!

[Curtain falls across the stage. BUTTONS keeps looking at it meditatively]

END of Act 1 Scene 2

Act 2 Scene 1

[BUTTONS stands looking at drawn curtain. Then turns and speaks to the audience]

BUTTONS: Strange as it may seem, we didn’t see the young lieutenant at the Mansion Paulze again. In the next six troubled years my little mistress grew into a very beautiful woman. But what years they were! Revolution had loomed over us like a thunder cloud. It burst all over France within months of that lovely day in the garden, which I will never forget. Well, you all know your history. The Bastille was stormed. The Royal Family was arrested on its flight to Varennes, and dragged back to Paris. The Queen and the Dauphin were imprisoned in the Temple. Then, the King was guillotined! Then, not content with killing aristos, the Committee of Public Safety, headed by Maximilien Robespirre himself, started guillotining anybody, on mere suspicion, on the basis of any accusation. They said they believed in Reason, but horror of horrors, M’sieu Lavoisier, the greatest scientist of France, was arrested, as was my little mistress’s grandpapa, M’sieu Jacques Paulze, and beheaded together! An imagined slight was the cause of this double horror – M’sieu Lavoisier had rejected as unscientific a paper written by Marat.

FEMALE CLOWN 1: Marat? What has tennis got to do with it? Anyway, it is Dinara who is calling all the shots nowadays!

BUTTONS: That’s not even remotely funny and no one is laughing. How my poor little mistress wept! How could I console her – I was only a poor boutonnier. We fled the mansion. I tried to make my little hovel as comfortable as I could for her, and thought her sudden poverty the creulest blow that Fate could strike against my little mistress. But I had not counted on the greed of her dreadful step-mother, the Baroness Paulze – if any woman can be called a demoness, she was one. That woman had cunningly joined the revolutionaries. She wanted all of the Paulze fortune for herself. She denounced poor, innocent Eugenié Paulze one evil day, and Mam’zelle was arrested. My mistress begged me to flee – who cared for a poor boutonnier – but I stayed with her. That’s one thing you can say in favour of Buttons always – his loyalty! I wanted to die with her, not live one minute longer. We were taken to the Tuileries, to the Salle de Spectacles, where the Tribunal was sitting.

[The revolutionary sans culottes led by BARONESS PAULZE, and her daughters the two Ugly Sisters, come in singing and dance in a circle round BUTTONS. BARONESS PAULZE grimaces terrifyingly]

BARONESS PAULZE: My dear Buttons, how nice to see you in such pleasant circumstances! And where is my dear step-daughter, Eugeniè?

[The Revolutionary Guard drag in EUGENIÉ PAULZE.]

BARONESS PAULZE: My dear, dear Eugeniè! What a wonderful, glorious, absolutely spiffing day! I really couldn’t have chosen a better day for your execution!

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: Mother, Buttons has nothing to do with this. Please let him go.

BARONESS PAULZE: No, no, no, my dear, I wouldn’t dream of sending you off to the guillotine all by your lonesome self! He is so devoted to you, I am sure he agrees?

BUTTONS:[stoutly] Do your worst, see if I care!

BARONESS PAULZE: That’s the spirit. And to entertain you both, all the way to the guillotine, my friends and I are going to sing and dance, all in your honour!

THE SANS CULOTTES:

SONG 5 La Carmagnole[HARD ROCK OR EVEN BETTER HEAVY METAL MUSIC]

Madame Veto avait promis,

Madame Veto avait promis,

de faire égorger tout Paris,

de faire égorger tout Paris.

Mais son coup a manqué

grâce à nos canonniers.

Dansons la Carmagnole

Vive le son,

Vive le son.

Dansons la Carmagnole

Vive le son du canon.

Monsieur Veto avait promis

Monsieur Veto avait promis

D'être fidèle à son pays,

D'être fidèle à son pays,

Mais il y a manqué,

Ne faisons plus quartier.

Dansons la Carmagnole

Vive le son,

Vive le son.

Dansons la Carmagnole

Vive le son du canon.

Antoinette avait résolu

Antoinette avait résolu

De nous faire tomber sur le cul;

De nous faire tomber sur le cul;

Mais le coup a manqué

Elle a le nez cassé.

Dansons la Carmagnole

Vive le son,

Vive le son.

Dansons la Carmagnole

Vive le son du canon.

Son Mari se croyant vainqueur,

Son Mari se croyant vainqueur,

Connaissait peu notre valeur,

Connaissait peu notre valeur,

Va, Louis, gros paour,

Du Temple dans la tour.

Dansons la Carmagnole

Vive le son,

Vive le son.

Dansons la Carmagnole

Vive le son du canon.

Les Suisses avaient promis,

Les Suisses avaient promis,

Qu'ils feraient feu sur nos amis,

Qu'ils feraient feu sur nos amis,

Mais comme ils ont saute!

Comme ils ont tous danse!

Dansons la Carmagnole

Vive le son,

Vive le son.

Dansons la Carmagnole

Vive le son du canon.

Quand Antoinette vit la tour,

Quand Antoinette vit la tour,

Elle voulut faire demi-tour,

Elle voulut faire demi-tour,

Elle avait mal au Coeur

De se voir sans honneur.

Dansons la Carmagnole

Vive le son,

Vive le son.

Dansons la Carmagnole

Vive le son du canon.

Dansons la Carmagnole

Vive le son,

Vive le son.

Dansons la Carmagnole

Vive le son du canon.

Dansons la Carmagnole

Vive le son,

Vive le son.

Dansons la Carmagnole

Vive le son du canon.

[They dance away singing. BARONESS PAULZE going out last draws a finger across her throat, looking gloatingly at EUGENIÉ PAULZE, laughs horribly and leaves]

GUARDSMAN: Here! You two stand here! You won’t have long to wait.[chuckles] They will have your heads before the sun sets. I will go and see if the Tribunal is ready.[goes out]

EUGENIÉ PAULZE:[in trembling tones] Buttons, dear Buttons, do you think the brave English milor will rescue us as he has dozens of others sentenced to the guillotine?

BUTTONS: Which English milor?

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: You know who everyone is whispering about – that brave English milor no one has ever seen except his band of devoted followers, who goes under the name of a humble wayside flower, which hides the identity of the bravest, the most generous –

BUTTONS: Oh, you mean ‘Periwinkle!’ Though, mind you, it isn’t all that humble a flower. M’sieu Devilish Khan – remember him? – he told me Indians make all sorts of remedies and simples with that flower. So –

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: Never mind the remedies! Will Milor Periwinkle remedy this situation? Will he spirit us away to England? Oh, how I wish he would!

BUTTONS: It’s cold and foggy there.

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: Buttons! We are about to be tried, sentenced and guillotined, all in one day!

BUTTONS: Look, Miss, would you rather be in Heaven or in England?

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: Oh, if you put it like that, I suppose, we should be quite glad really…

BUTTONS: Yes, look on the bright side, I say.

[Lights dim out]

End of Act 2 Scene 1

Act 2 Scene 2

[GUARDSMEN open doors to reveal the Hall of the Tribunal. A roar from the sans culottes seated in the galleries. Shouts of ‘en bas les aristos.’]

LOUIS ST-JUST: Citizen Public Prosecutor, please present the next case to the Tribunal!

FOUQIER DE TINVILLE, THE PUBLIC PROSECUTOR:[standing up] The next accused is one Eugenié Paulze, granddaughter of the accursed traitor, Jacques Paulze, and herself guilty of crimes against the Republic. [shouts of ‘a la guillotine!]

BUTTONS: She is a loyal citizen of France![shouts of ‘hang them by the lamppost, Citizen Prosecutor. Don’t waste the public’s time on such aristo trash!]

LOUIS ST-JUST: Who brings the charge?

FOUQIER DE TINVILLE, THE PUBLIC PROSECUTOR: The citizeness Paulze. Though the accused is her own step-daughter, her loyalty to the revolution made her lay information before the Tribunal.[clapping from the galleries]

THE SANS CULOTTES: Citizeness Paulze, the Republic thanks you for your patriotism! Death to the scheming little whore! Death, death, nothing else will do – and for her paramour too. Death! Death![chants of ‘Death’ continue with slow hand-claps]

OTHER SANS CULOTTES: Make way for the Citizen General! Make way! Make way for the Hero of Toulon![The crowd parts and reveals the lieutenant, six years older, quite self assured, as the Citizen General]

CITIZEN GENERAL: The accusation is false!

[Dead silence in the room. A few cries of ‘traitors’ quickly stilled]

LOUIS ST-JUST:[uncertainly] Citizen General, you surprise us. You cannot know this case – you have just returned from war – surely you are mistaken – and I feel –

MAXIMILIEN ROBESPIERRE:[slowly rising] The Citizen General, our Hero of Toulon, can never be mistaken – he is a friend of my brother Augustin!

LOUIS ST-JUST:[quickly] In that case there can be no doubt! If the Citizen General will enlighten us – we only want to see justice done!

CITIZEN GENERAL: [firmly] Exactly. The girl in question is my cousin, from Corsica. She is – her name is Cerenetola – yes, Cerenetola Basile of Ajaccio. She was in Toulon, helping me destroy the English fleet.

FOUQUIER DE TINVILLE, THE PUBLIC PROSECUTOR: But – but – but, the testimony of Citizeness Paulze –

CITIZEN GENERAL: False. She is a Girondist collaborating with the English![Hisses of ‘Girondist’ are heard]

[General uproar. Shouts of ‘traitoress,’ ‘snake in the grass,’’betray us to the English will you? You won’t see the sun set, we promise you!’ Some soldiers seize BARONESS PAULZE]

MAXIMILIEN ROBESPIERRE:[looking palely at the CITIZEN GENERAL] We thank you, General for saving us from this act of treachery! Citoyenne Cerenetola is free to depart!

A FEW SANS CULOTTES:[seizing BARONESS PAULZE] Citizen Prosecutor! We will relieve the citizens’ court of this foul traitoress! We will hang her from the nearest lamppost! And her ugly brood with her[They drag them out, screaming and kicking]

BARONESS PAULZE:[despairingly as she is dragged off] Eugenié! Save me!

[The Citizen General bows to the court and escorts EUGENIÉ PAULZE and BUTTONS out of the hall. GUARDSMEN close the doors. Lights dim out]

End of Act 2  Scene 2

Act 2 Scene 3

[Spots on the CITIZEN GENERAL, EUGENIÉ, and BUTTONS, with two soldiers at the foot of the stage]

CITIZEN GENERAL: I heard about this only at the nick of time, so, Mam’zelle, you must pardon me for my late arrival, and the unnecessary discomfiture you have been put to. Undoubtedly, you do not remember me, but I could never forget you, such beauty as yours is rare.

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: Sir, you do me an injustice. How could I ever forget my little lieutenant in my garden? Sir, you never returned – I waited so long…

CITIZEN GENERAL: Mam’zelle, you do me too much honour. I wanted to return, my whole soul wanted to return, you will never believe how much. Look at yourself, Mam’zelle, in the mirror. Can you doubt that I did not want to return every minute of my life? But the army is a hard taskmaster, and my country, a jealous mistress. In any case, I am here, when you had need of me, and not a moment too soon.

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: Who is Cerenetola?

CITIZEN GENERAL:[laughing] Can you not guess? For you are truly her – Cinderella, of course!

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: Cinderella!

CITIZEN GENERAL: Yes, in the original Italian story, written two hundred years ago by Giambattista Basile, whose family name I have given you.

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: You took a great risk, Sir.

CITIZEN GENERAL: None that a soldier would not take for so beautiful a lady.[turning to BUTTONS] You are Buttons, her faithful servant?

BUTTONS: You can say so, General.

CITIZEN GENERAL: Very well. Take your mistress and go immediately to the Rue Méchain, and ask for the Sisters of St. Joseph of Cluny. There you will speak to one Sister Ann, tell her I sent you. Do not return home. These soldiers, loyal to me, will fetch anything you wish to take with you. Tomorrow, the good sisters will dress you, Mam’zelle, in the clothes of a seamstress, and take both of you out through Porte Maillot to a safe house in Clichy. A miller there is in my pay. Everyone knows Henri. He will ensure you have some quiet days in Clichy. That will be your home, till I can make better arrangements. My apologies, Mam’zelle, it is not the Maison Paulze, but at least it guarantees safety. Buttons, I trust your loyalty to carry out my instructions implicitly. Now go, we have no time to waste.

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: Sir, what will happen to my poor step-mother? And my step-sisters? Can you save them? She has been foolish, and –

CITIZEN GENERAL:[gravely] Mam’zelle, your step-mother is now under the protection of St. Peter, who is both just and kind. Now go.

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: And my poor step-sisters – can nothing be done? They were misled – they are too young to die so horribly -

CITIZEN GENERAL: Hmm – perhaps I shall ask my friend, the English milor, The Violet Periwinkle, to rescue them, but I must tell you he hates ugly harridans.

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: Oh! So you do know the kind English milor! Is that how you came here in time to help us? Sir, ask him, for my sake, ask him to rescue my step-sisters! Please?

CITIZEN GENERAL: I shall, Mam’zelle. Now go, or all our work will be in vain.

EUGENIÉ PAULZE:[going out] Sir, you are our benefactor, and I –

CITIZEN GENERAL:[with a twisted smile]Say no more, Mam’zelle. Think of me as – as another Buttons. Now for your own safety, I must ask you to go.

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: Sir, I do not even know your name! Who shall I ask le bon Dieu to protect?

CITIZEN GENERAL:[hesitating] Clisson – yes, Clisson is my name. But names are dangerous, these days. It is better for you to know as little as possible.

EUGENIÉ PAULZE:[going up to him, softly] My General, I pray you take care of yourself – if not for your own sake, than for mine!

CITIZEN GENERAL:[overcome with emotion] Mam’zelle! If I could but unburden my heart – but this is not the moment! Every minute you linger exposes you to danger! I shall come to you, I shall always be there for you, never doubt me, little one. Now go! And don’t worry about me. I am the safest person in France, for the army protects me!

[Curtain]

End of Act 2 Scene 3

Act 3 Scene 1

[The curtain goes up on a charming rustic scene. A little cottage with honeysuckle and climbing roses is in the background. BUTTONS is digging in the garden]

BUTTONS:[straightening] Well, a few weeks have gone by since that terrible scene at the Tribunal. I am so glad to be out of Paris. There is no work there anymore for a boutonnier or a clown, and I am a bit of both. If you ask me, this is heaven on earth – at least for me. My mistress is safe, our neighbours are friendly country folk. There is enough to eat, not much, but what there is is wholesome. And I am near Her – what more can I ask for? But She – she is moping for her soldier – just like a woman! Who would you rather be – a clown or a silly soldier? Go on! Let me hear it from you!

THE AUDIENCE: A clown!

BUTTONS: There, you are right. But she – she is a woman in love.

[Sudden noises off of horses. CITIZEN GENERAL enters with two soldiers. One is carrying a valise]

CITIZEN GENERAL: Thank you, my brave mustachios! I shall be quite safe here for a while. Say no word to anybody, but report to me all that passes. This madness will soon pass. France can endure very little more! Now go in safety! Go!

[The soldiers salute smartly, and leave]

BUTTONS: You, Citizen General!

CITIZEN GENERAL: [smiling happily] Such are fortunes made and broken in Revolutionary France! But a few weeks ago, I was the Hero of Toulon. And now after the fall of Robespierre, a hunted man!

BUTTONS: The Fall of Robespierre?

CITIZEN GENERAL: Yes, yes, yes, haven’t you heard? How could you in this hidden nook of a place. Yes, denounced and guillotined. St-Just as well. They are all swept aside, good riddance.

EUGENIÉ PAULZE:[running out of the cottage] I heard your voice, dear Clisson, I couldn’t believe my ears, my luck, are you all right, dear Clisson?

BUTTONS: As well as a hunted man can be!

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: Hunted! Hunted? Oh, God, what can it all mean?

CITIZEN GENERAL:[embracing her] Dearest, Eugenie! You are safe in my arms, and I in yours! The Reign of Terror is over, my dear, that is the good news. But the fall of Robespierre has brought me temporary embarrassment – very temporary – the army will assert itself soon, I assure you. There is nothing really to fear, but I must stay away from public view for a little while. So, if you and Buttons will give me leave, I shall abide with you for a short while.

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: Abide here? Of course, of course! But are you sure you are in no danger, really? You know so many people – can’t they help?  Yes, of course! You know the mysterious English milor, the Violet Periwinkle! Surely he will rescue you, his friend? Let him know straightaway, my dear!

CITIZEN GENERAL:[laughing heartily] I am the English milor, The Violet Periwinkle!

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: You!

CITIZEN GENERAL: Of course. France will have need of all the people I rescued, once this madness is over. Why would an Englishman want to rescue Frenchmen in trouble? The weaker we become, the easier it would be for England to conquer France again, like that pirate Henry the Fifth!

BUTTONS: I remember what Devilish Khan told me, periwinkle is used in eastern recipes -

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: Recipes? Oh, what am I dreaming about? Buttons run to our neighbours - I was just about to start dinner – borrow whatever you can, a chicken if there is one to be had. Go! And some tomatoes and olive oil, I know good Mistress Dunand has some. We still have some of that wine left over, and pickling onions! – dear Buttons, do get me some pickling onions!

BUTTONS: [going out] Well, if you must know, it was my mistress who invented that dish. The boy Dunand learnt it from her and later called it Chicken Marengo!

CITIZEN GENERAL: Don’t fuss so, my dear love. I am only a simple soldier!

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: I have dreamt of this day, when I could cook you a meal with my own hands, dearest Clisson.

CITIZEN GENERAL:[a little guiltily] Dear Eugenié, Clisson is not my given name, but it is all the more mine now, hearing it from your lips.

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: Not your name? Oh, teasing man, what is your real name?

CITIZEN GENERAL: Trust me, my love. The danger you are in is not quite past. I shall tell you everything once you are completely safe. Here in this little cottage, tucked away from the world, I am your Clisson, and you my Eugenié. Yes,  while I wait for my moment, I shall write a romance about us, Clisson and Eugenié.[He sits in a chair]

EUGENIÉ PAULZE:[sitting in his lap] Of course, I trust you! Who else do I have in this world, apart from faithful little Buttons? But Clisson is a very unusual name.

CITIZEN GENERAL: But a great French name. Surely, dearest, you have read of Olivier de Clisson who joined Bertrand du Guesclin against the English at the Seige of Brest? His name came to my mind, for I did something similar at Toulon. Clisson ended his illustrious career as a Constable of France. Perhaps, with your help, I may aspire to rise as high?

EUGENIÉ PAULZE:[kissing him] You will rise far higher, I know it.

CITIZEN GENERAL: Yes, I believe so, myself. And you, you will be by my side.

[They get up and dance]

SONG 6 CLISSON and EUGENIÉ [SOMETHING SCHMULTZY]

Our love is as old

As France herself.

Our love is as strong

As the Church of God.

Clisson and his Eugenié!

Eugenié and her Clisson!

Troubadours in days to come

Will sing of us

Two souls joined as one!

Abélard and Héloïse,

Romeo and Juliet,

Cuoid and his Psyché,

Were lovers all like we.

Clisson and his Eugenié!

Eugenié and her Clisson!

No one can separate us

No one can come in between

Clisson and his Eugenié!

Eugenié and her Clisson!

Troubadours in days to come

Will sing of us

Two souls joined as one!

Abélard and Héloïse,

Romeo and Juliet,

Cupid and his Psyché,

Were lovers all like we.

Clisson and his Eugenié!

Eugenié and her Clisson!

Our love will conquer all!

CLISSON: [turning towards the audience sings operatic style][ A LA VERDI]

Io m’allegro, che diletto

E non martir, vita e non morte aspetto,

Nè giudice sever nè legge grave;

Ma benigne accoglienze, ma complessi

Licentiosi, ma parole sciolte

D’ogni freno, ma risi, vezzi e giuochi,

Ma dolci baci dolcemente impressi

Ben mille e mille e mille e mille volte;

E se potran contarsi, ancho fien pochi!

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: Darling! That was so beautiful! Did you compose it on the spot? – And what do those lovely words mean?

CLISSON: My heart sang the words of Ariosto! Our love will never be enough however much we love!

[They slowly wander off in each other’s arms into the cottage. BUTTONS enters, his arms laden with vegetables, chicken, spices. He dumps it all into a large basket, and speaks to the audience]

BUTTONS: Love is all very well, but does it last, does it last, I ask you? Well, does it? Your silence is enough, I understand. I knew he wouldn’t be around when she wanted him, and I was right. Soldiers don’t want to stay home, however much they may say they love – they want to be out there fighting – I don’t hold with that. Why should we fight anybody, I ask you? It’s all very grand to come back a conqueror, but think of the poor sods you have ridden over. They are not going to be celebrating, no sir, they are not. But can I din any sense into a woman in love? Have you tried? Really tried? Well, if you are truthful, you know it can’t be done. Oh, well, the army turned up soon enough for our brave General Clisson – here they come!

[Sound of marching feet, and singing off. A troop of soldiers form up on stage, singing]

SOLDIERS

SONG 7 La Marseillaise[ANY STRAUSS WALTZ]

Allons enfants de la Patrie,

Le jour de gloire est arrivé !

Contre nous de la tyrannie,

L'étendard sanglant est levé,

L'étendard sanglant est levé,

Entendez-vous dans les campagnes

Mugir ces féroces soldats ?

Ils viennent jusque dans vos bras

Égorger vos fils, vos compagnes !

Aux armes, citoyens,

Formez vos bataillons,

Marchons, marchons !

Qu'un sang impur

Abreuve nos sillons !

Que veut cette horde d'esclaves,

De traîtres, de rois conjurés ?

Pour qui ces ignobles entraves,

Ces fers dès longtemps préparés ?

Ces fers dès longtemps préparés ?

Français, pour nous, ah ! quel outrage

Quels transports il doit exciter !

C'est nous qu'on ose méditer

De rendre à l'antique esclavage !

Aux armes, citoyens,

Formez vos bataillons,

Marchons, marchons !

Qu'un sang impur

Abreuve nos sillons !

Quoi ! des cohortes étrangères

Feraient la loi dans nos foyers !

Quoi ! ces phalanges mercenaries

Terrasseraient nos fiers guerriers !

Terrasseraient nos fiers guerriers !

Grand Dieu ! par des mains enchaînées

Nos fronts sous le joug se ploieraient

De vils despotes deviendraient

Les maîtres de nos destinées !

Aux armes, citoyens,

Formez vos bataillons,

Marchons, marchons !

Qu'un sang impur

Abreuve nos sillons !

Tremblez, tyrans et vous perfides

L'opprobre de tous les partis,

Tremblez ! vos projets parricides

Vont enfin recevoir leurs prix !

Vont enfin recevoir leurs prix !

Tout est soldat pour vous combattre,

S'ils tombent, nos jeunes héros,

La terre en produit de nouveaux,

Contre vous tout prêts à se battre !

Aux armes, citoyens,

Formez vos bataillons,

Marchons, marchons !

Qu'un sang impur

Abreuve nos sillons !

Français, en guerriers magnanimes,

Portez ou retenez vos coups !

Épargnez ces tristes victimes,

À regret s'armant contre nous.

À regret s'armant contre nous.

Mais ces despotes sanguinaires,

Mais ces complices de Bouillé,

Tous ces tigres qui, sans pitié,

Déchirent le sein de leur mère !

Aux armes, citoyens,

Formez vos bataillons,

Marchons, marchons !

Qu'un sang impur

Abreuve nos sillons !

Amour sacré de la Patrie,

Conduis, soutiens nos bras vengeurs

Liberté, Liberté chérie,

Combats avec tes défenseurs !

Combats avec tes défenseurs !

Sous nos drapeaux que la victoire

Accoure à tes mâles accents,

Que tes ennemis expirants

Voient ton triomphe et notre gloire !

Aux armes, citoyens,

Formez vos bataillons,

Marchons, marchons !

Qu'un sang impur

Abreuve nos sillons !

Aux armes, citoyens,

Formez vos bataillons,

Marchons, marchons !

Qu'un sang impur

Abreuve nos sillons !

[CITIZEN GENERAL comes out of the cottage in his uniform. EUGENIÉ PAULZE is close behind, tears in her eyes]

CITIZEN GENERAL:[loudly enough for the soldiers to hear]

Dearest, my heart I leave with you! I go because France calls me! Wait for me, as I have waited for you, for so long!

[The soldiers and the CITIZEN GENERAL march off. BUTTONS and EUGENIÉ PAULZE sadly wave them goodbye. EUGENIÉ PAULZE runs back into the cottage sobbing. Lights dim out]

End of Act 3 Scene 1

Act 3 Scene 2

[Spot on BUTTONS who speaks to the audience]

BUTTONS: Well, that’s how it was. She waited for him. Oh, how she waited. Years passed as they do, even in our little nook hidden away from the world. But all was not sorrow. She had a boy. A wonderful child, beautiful like his mother, brave like his father. Well, what father? I was like a father to the little fellow, though I always told him how great a man his father was, and that he would come back for him one day. But that day never came. Then one Christmas Eve, when Clisson Paulze – that’s the name she gave the boy – when he was nine years old, we got such a knock on our little cottage door, I cut myself as I was carving the chicken…

[The light dims out. The curtain rises. When the light comes on again, it is the interior of a small cottage. Christmas Eve festive air. BUTTONS, EUGENIÉ PAULZE, and the boy, are seated round the table. Loud knocking]

BUTTONS: Who’s that?

VOICE OFF: Ney!

BUTTONS: Oh, ho, ho! There is horse coming to call, or a young fool pretending to be a horse. In either case we don’t want him in.[loudly] Go away horse!

VOICE OFF: Open up, you fool! I am Marshall Ney!

BUTTONS: Well, that’s not very funny, is it? [loudly] All right, you are not Marshall. I never said you were. Now go away!

VOICE OFF: I am Ney Marshall of France

BUTTONS: [loudly] Right you are not Marshall of France. Now be a good fellow and go away!

VOICE OFF: Open the door or I will kick it in![loud repeated banging]

BUTTONS: This horse will kick in the door if I don’t let the fool in.[loudly]All right, all right, I am coming![opens the door]

NEY:[entering, looking past BUTTONS contemptuously] Ah, Madame! Your most humble servant, Michel Ney, Marshall of France.[makes a deep bow]If Madame would so please, a carriage awaits you, we must be gone as soon as it suits your convenience.

BUTTONS: Here! Who are you! She is going nowhere with you![NEY looks down on him haughtily] All right, all right, but I am coming as well.

NEY: And you? Yes, I have heard about you. You may come, but you will ride with the coachman. Madame, if you will deign to step this way, and the young gentleman as well, he more than anyone else. The hour is late, we should be gone as quickly as may be.

[They all leave the cottage. NEY solicitously wrapping a large shawl round EUGENIÉ PAULZE, while BUTTONS carefully puts out the candles one by one. BUTTONS comes to the foot of the stage. Spot on him]

BUTTONS: I couldn’t get a word out of him, but anyone could see he was a great man. There was a coat of arms emblazoned on the door of the coach, but I couldn’t see very well. It looked like a swarm of bees. Anyway, I sat up with the coachman shivering with the cold, and in fear. I am just a humble boutonnier, and part-time clown – wouldn’t you have been scared? Be honest. The coachman wouldn’t say a word either, but a little later I saw we had swept past the great palace of Versailles, and were through the gardens to the very gate of the Grand Trianon. It was all very magnificent when we went in, and I kept looking at my scruffy shoes as we walked down those Persian carpets. At last, a door was flung open and we were in a small, but beautifully appointed room. In a corner stood – I know you have guessed – that’s right, that’s who he was!

[Lights dim out]

End of Act 3 Scene 2

Act 3 Scene 3

[The lights come on in an intimate room of the palace]

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: Clisson! Clisson! Is that you? [she runs to him, he embraces her warmly]

NAPOLEON: Eugenié! My dearest Eugenié! How I have longed for this hour! My destiny has led me to the throne of France, but my dearest love, my only true love, this throne, this crown, what are they, if you are not with me to share the glory?[strikes a pose]

EUGENIÉ PAULZE:[nestling in his arms] I only wanted you, Clisson, that’s all I ever wanted in life.

NAPOLEON:I have always been yours, Eugenié, only yours, believe me! But France! The safety of France has dictated my life – forced me to make a sacrifice I can hardly bear![strikes a pose]

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: Dearest, don’t blame yourself. You were destined to greatness, and I could never be part of that. It is enough – enough, that you loved your Eugenié, your Cerenetola, for a brief hour –

NAPOLEON:[with his fingers over her lips] Hush! Hush! I shall love you through eternity, even if we may never be together. Fate can be cruel, can command our bodies, but never our hearts!

EUGENIÉ PAULZE: How wonderful you are! As ardent as you were as a young lieutenant.[giggles] Do you remember –[pulls herself together] But I must be more respectful to my sovereign, mustn’t I, Your Majesty?[kneels before him]

NAPOLEON:[raising her] Never at my feet, dearest, always in my heart![turning towards the boy, CLISSON PAULZE] He is our son? Come here, boy. Embrace your father, come![He embraces the reluctant boy] Ney, you are witness, I recognize him as my son! Who knows, one day he may sit on my throne! I make him the Comte Clisson Bonaparte from this day on. All the Paulze estate, whatever is left of it, and there is plenty I am informed, becomes his, as of right. Madame acts as a regent, till such time, till such time – but we will talk about it later. My dearest love, you found sanctuary those long years ago with the Sisters of St. Joseph of Cluny. In Cluny, Ney here has purchased a discreet estate for you, large, comfortable, and staffed with trained servants. You will be very happy there, till I can send for you. Now, my dear, you must leave me, though my heart breaks to see you go![strikes another pose. EUGENIÉ PAULZE kisses him on the cheek, and they leave, NEY grandly showing them the way out. Light dims out.]

End of Act 3 Scene 3

Act 3 Scene 4

[BUTTONS moves to the foot of the stage. Spot on him]

BUTTONS: It was all very typical of the emperor. He never sent for us. Oh, our life was very comfortable, but I did catch that sad look in my mistress’s eyes once in a while when she thought no one was looking. Napoleon conquered the whole world, and then lost it all in Russia. I must say, he never really forgot us, though at that time I thought he had. He sent word just before his exile. We were to board a ship for Pondicherry, for our own safety as he said, a large house had been bought there, money transferred, all arrangements made. He sent over to my mistress as a last keepsake a copy of the romance he written in his own hand about Clisson and Eugenié. She wept buckets when she got it, and she read it over and over again all those years later in Pondicherry. It was on her coverlet when she died as a very old lady. Young Clisson took another name and ultimately became governor of the French possessions in the Indies. He married a Tamil lady, as dark as chocolate, but every now and then in that eastern family you would get a girl who was a spitting image of my Eugenié, incomparably beautiful, and remarkably blue-eyed and golden haired. And every year, the birthday of my mistress is remembered in Pondicherry, with a lavish family function. And today is her birthday, so we too can attend the party!

[Lights go up. A number of Tamil girls are singing and dancing. EUGENIÉ PAULZE, wearing a sari, is sitting with a parasol in a rickshaw, pulled by the BARONESS PAULZE. BUTTONS runs behind with a colourful umbrella.]

BARONESS PAULZE: Mistake me not for the foul Baroness Paulze, who lost her head long ago! I am reborn as a humble rickshaw-puller – the only woman rickshaw-puller, I can tell you – who works for her dearest Eugenié.

BUTTONS: Oh, she is much changed, as you will see!

SONG 8 The Eugenié Song All[[INDO-WESTERN FUSION MUSIC]

Eugenié! Eugenié!

Loveliest woman of them all,

Kindest hearted, sweetest smiling,

Gentlest friend of mice and men.

Eugenié! Eugenié!

Eugenié! Eugenié!

You are the dearest Cinders known to me.

In my heart you will always be.

Every child loves you forever,

You are the hope of the world’s poor.

Eugenié! Eugenié!

Cinderella or Eugenié,

Cerenetola or Eugenié

Every year you come again

Throughout the world to make us laugh

Or cry to feel your littlest pain.

Eugenié! Eugenié!

Loveliest woman of them all,

Kindest hearted, sweetest smiling,

Gentlest friend of mice and men.

Eugenié! Eugenié!

Dearest Cinders dearest of all

Even time answers your call.

You neither age nor fade away,

You are our heroine everyday!

Eugenié! Eugenié!

Loveliest woman of them all,

Kindest hearted, sweetest smiling,

Gentlest friend of mice and men.

Eugenié! Eugenié!

Eugenié! Eugenié!

Loveliest woman of them all,

Kindest hearted, sweetest smiling,

Gentlest friend of mice and men.

Eugenié! Eugenié!

[CURTAINS]

END OF PLAY